Ozi v'zimrat yah
Vay'hi li lishua
God is my strength and my song
And will be my freedom.
This past Saturday night, these words began the most unique and meaningful ceremony I've ever had the privilege of participating in. That night I facilitated a giluach rosh, a shaving of the head, for a fifteen year old girl in her second round of chemotherapy for brain cancer.
I met Jessica on her arrival day at camp two weeks ago. I remembered her face from last summer, welcomed her back, and asked how she was doing. She told me that she was excited to be back, for she was going to shave her head at camp.
I raised an eyebrow. We usually have strict rules about such grand physical changes here at Newman.
Jessica proceeded to tell me her story. She was diagnosed with brain cancer shortly before starting her freshman year of high school. Her first round of chemotherapy was unsuccessful, but at least she got to keep her hair. She was now midway through a second round of chemo. Her once thick and luscious hair was falling out. She wanted to take control in a situation where she had very little, and decided camp was the safe space she needed to be to go through such a major transition.
I was stunned by her boldness and bravery; by her determination. I immediately asked if she wanted me to write a ceremony for the occasion. She smiled wryly and said, "sure."
So, on Saturday, my dear friend and HUC cantorial student Amanda helped me write a ceremony marking the shaving of Jessica's head. It was a carefully crafted ritual that embraced change, choices, and Jessica's strength. It focused on Jessica's tenacity, her choice to take control, and the love that exists for her here at camp. That night, we invited all the women of Jessica's eidah, plus a few female faculty members and spouses, to participate.
From the moment we started singing the words above, people began to weep. Fifteen and sixteen year old girls began crying, counselors wiped away tears, and everyone in that space found themselves sobbing openly, slowly gaining a grasp on what was happening. In that small space, normally a programs location for movies, songleading, and games, we were able to experience something sacred.
Jessica's mom, a wonderful rabbi from Bakersfield here on faculty, said a few beautiful, poignant words. She offered a touching poem. And as she spoke, more tears began to flow. Jessica began to sob as she told her story. And the girls of her eidah embraced her, welcomed her, and through their body language and embraces made it clear that they supported Jessica fully.
After a series of prayers and songs, Jessica stood up and walked to the chair where Tal, our resident hairstylist here at camp, began to shave her head. We all watched, silent, unable to look away, as this incredible young woman sat calmly, taking control of her situation. By the time Tal finished, Jessica was left with a beautiful bald head. She truly looked gorgeous, and everyone clapped.
At the conclusion, five girls from Jessica's cabin sang a medley of songs - from Adele's "Make You Feel My Love" to "Isn't She Lovely" to "Stand By You." Then the entire group offered blessings to Jessica. To stand in a room full of teenage girls extending blessings to their peer - including strength, love, continued support, confidence, and faith - was nothing short of inspiring. I stood there with my mouth agape, tears flowing from my eyes, as gems of wisdom and maturity passed through the lips of these campers.
The whole evening culminated with a celebration featuring Martinelli's sparkling cider, fresh fruit and chocolate, and songs of joy. It was done beautifully, and Jessica's incredible rashim and counselors did an amazing job making sure it was a joyous event.
This giluach rosh proved the importance of sacred rituals; of embracing change and noting the transitions that mark our daily lives. It created a space in which Jessica herself could mourn the loss of one phase of her life - one identity marker - and celebrate the beginning of another. It enabled the other women of the eidah to understand and accept that one amongst them was different and unique. And it celebrated strength, teaching girls and women alike about conviction, dignity, and perspective.
School simply cannot prepare you for this type of event. No amount of training can teach you the appropriate response to give a teenage girl with cancer seeking to totally alter her appearance. Having compassion, respect, and a deep love for the sanctity of Judaism, combined with an open mind and an eager heart, helps you along the way.
That she felt comfortable enough here at camp to do such a brave act is a testament to the significance of this place; this safe environment. That the people surrounding her openly weeped and extended her their support and love is a statement of how much this place means to people. And that she has walked around the past few days rocking the most beautiful bald head I've ever seen, receiving high fives, smiles, and pats on the back from campers and counselors young and old, exemplifies the uniqueness of this sacred place, this makom kadosh.
Below is a prayer we read at the beginning of Jessica's service. It can be a reminder to all of us of the incredible opportunities that exist within change.
For Being Open to Change, from Siddur Sha’ar Zahav
Mi Shebeirach Avoteinu v’Imoteinu. O God who blessed our ancestors Abraham, Sarah, and Hagar; who bestows miraculous things to those who are open to your blessings, send your insight and love to Jessica as life’s journey brings change.
Like Sarah, may we have the strength to continue forward even if we are not sure where our path may lead.
Like Abraham with his son Isaac, may we have the courage to turn challenges into blessings, even as we grapple with life’s unmarked paths.
Like Hagar with her son Ishmael, may we be granted a glimpse of what is Divine, so that we may turn our fear into faith.
O Source of all, who revealed the Torah to our people, let us be open to witnessing Your ways in our lives.
We bless You, O God, who guides our journeys.
And let us say, Amen.
With love,
Jaclyn
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