A few weeks back, I had the extraordinary privilege of witnessing a dear friends’ conversion to Judaism. It was a powerful, deeply moving experience to be present as this young woman – following months of thought, study, and hard work – became a Jew. In a few weeks, she will be married under the chuppah in Ojai; I will be co-officiating at the ceremony. I consider it a true gift that I was brought into this couple’s relationship and their upcoming marriage. They are dear friends of mine, and I am grateful they allowed me to share their story with you.
G and J are a fantastic couple. They are kind, good-hearted people who know each other well. They respect and trust each other deeply, and you can tell they are the best of friends. They love to cook delicious, fresh, wholesome food. They are interesting, fascinating, and have much to say about the world. They share the same values and concerns, a warm and inviting house, and a very cute dog.
I met G back in college when his a cappella group performed with ours at a concert in Davis. He and J met around that same time and started dating shortly thereafter. G was born Jewish, but felt largely disconnected from it. He had a Bar Mitzvah, but that’s where most of his Jewish education ended. When he and J started dating, he knew she was not Jewish. Yet when things got serious, he never pressured her to convert. It would have been a pleasant bonus, but was not the most important thing in the world to him.
Flash forward several years, when they took a trip to Germany shortly after getting engaged. J had lived part of her adolescent life there. She had a deep-rooted connection with the country that was entirely separate from the Holocaust and World War II. Yet in exploring Germany with G, her now-fiancé, she saw and felt parts of the country like never before. She (and G) felt deeply connected to the atrocities of the Jewish people, and to the unfortunate history and common bond we share.
J, who grew up Catholic, had possessed a curiosity about Judaism since meeting G. Yet it was on that trip that she decided independently that this was something she wanted to pursue. She wanted to understand and connect with Judaism on a deeper level. She wanted to immerse herself in Jewish culture and ritual. It was important to her to share a Jewish home and family with G.
They came to me last fall seeking guidance. I happily offered my assistance. I pointed them towards Rabbi D, an ordained rabbi I adore and respect, and toward an Intro to Judaism course they could take together. Over the course of several months, I watched them grow as individuals and as a couple. I listened to them as they shared stories from their classes. I checked in with them as they grew in their relationship, and as J grew into a Jew. And I began the sacred task of helping them think about their Jewish wedding, and their Jewish life together.
Shortly after I returned from camp, J scheduled her beit din. I joined three ordained rabbis as we asked her questions about who she has become as a Jew, what this process has meant to her, and what she has learned. She was so incredibly articulate, passionate, and knowledgeable! She blew us all away with how deeply she thought about Judaism; with how articulately she spoke about what it means to her. At the conclusion of her beit din, J offered what she wanted to be her new Hebrew name: Aviva. The name means spring, which connotes new growth and new life. I could not think of a more apt name for this beautiful young woman.
The following day, J, G, Rabbi D, and I headed to the mikveh. There, J immersed herself three times in the warm waters and was reborn a Jew. She spoke prayers and affirmed her commitment to the Jewish faith. With myself and the “mikveh ladies” on one side of the curtain, and Rabbi D and G on the other, we sang “siman tov u’mazal tov” and clapped with joy and happiness. J smiled warmly and looked so happy, connected, and fulfilled. This process clearly meant so much to her, and she was beyond excited to begin her life with G.
As a woman born into a Jewish family, I often take my religion for granted. I have only ever known one religious identity, and I have never questioned whether or not it was right for me. I have always believed in God and identified with the history, culture, and rituals of Judaism. It suited me, and has always felt right, and that’s partially why I’m in school to become a rabbi.
J’s experience reinforced why I am becoming a figurative gatekeeper of the Jewish faith. It warmed my heart that so many people were thrilled for J to become a Jew; that the doors of Judaism were open to her from the start. It moved me deeply that J arrived at the decision to convert on her own, separate from her fiancé. That the experience of the Jewish people meant enough to her to go through a process of study and self reflection that lasted several months; this was clearly an undertaking J wanted to go through.
When I described the experience to Bubbie, Josh’s grandmother, she said to me, “It’s amazing that after all we face as Jews, all the anti-Semitism throughout the years, the persecution and the pogroms, someone would want to join us. It’s a blessing to us and all Israel.”
While I don’t necessarily share that same survivalist mentality, I am thrilled nonetheless. J is a blessing to our community. She has chosen to become a Jew, to uphold the values and principles of our faith. She has chosen to mark her home with mezuzot and knows what they mean to her. She has chosen to sign a ketubah with a Hebrew name, stand under a chuppah with her beshert, and allow Judaism to be the foundation of her daily life.
For this and for so many more reasons, I am honored and thrilled for her and G. I feel beyond grateful to be a part of their marriage, and wish them nothing but good health and happiness moving forward.
Siman tov u’mazal tov!
-Jaclyn
