As my summer draws to a close, I can finally start to look back and reflect on all that's gone on the past seven weeks. It's much more challenging to observe one's progress whilst "in it." And "in it" is a permanent state of being here at camp, even now.
Of the many reasons why I have only blogged once this summer, here are a select few:
a) There's no time.
b) I'm exhausted.
c) Too much else to focus on.
d) Most of my [lack of] time is spent managing a staff.
Strangely enough, these four reasons I've focused on are also the reasons why education at camp often gets put on the backburner for those who implement it; namely, the Rashim (unit heads) of the nine separate Eidot (units).
As I came to realize quickly here at camp, education is often lowest on the priority list when one, two, or three people are managing, scheduling, and facilitating an entire session of 60+ campers and 20+ staff. There's a strong presence of rabbinic, cantorial, and education students here, plus ordained rabbis and cantors and trained educators on faculty. Yet despite this, Jewish education is not the first thing that comes to mind for the vast majority of those invested in Jewish camp.
Instead, the Jewish experience and living Judaism is the priority. Simply existing within a Jewish place set to the rhythm of Jewish time is enough for many. The content of our learning is often overlooked in favor of kumbaya-type moments and brief pauses in the day for prayer. And for the first half of the summer, I looked at that as a failure on my part.
I chose to focus on the negatives; on the absence and the holes. I had to focus most of my energy on managing our Geza (senior staff) team and very little on curriculum and content. Most of my day was spent walking around, putting out fires, mediating conflict, and resolving issues. At one point, I told my boyfriend that I [incorrectly] guessed my staff had set the world record for most questions asked of me in a one-day period. (And I love getting asked questions, and my staff, so please do not consider this a criticism. Just an observation)
At first, my perspective was that this was not what I was hired for. Very little was education-related. I was doing minimal teaching and learning. I was not able to get to programs and offer feedback due to meetings and interceptions. And nearly every piece of feedback I received - from supervisors, faculty members, my co, Joe, and Rashim, felt like criticism.
Let me remind you at this moment that when I was preparing for the summer, my supervisor did tell me that my number one role this summer was being a support system, along with Joe, for the entire Geza community. That I would be asked several dozen questions a day and my responsibility was to be around camp and present for said questions. That the main part of my educational work would be done before camp started.
Yet, my perspective was rooted in disappointment. I was disappointed in the things I could not control, in myself and my inability to change a culture, a system, and a machine that serves around 700+ people a day. I felt like I had let down those who hired me, despite never ever actually being told this information. And I was somewhat unrealistic in my expectations, something that I have only recently come to terms with.
Really, it wasn't until this past week, following a much-needed visit from and conversations with the aforementioned boyfriend, that I started to shift my perspective. I began opening my eyes a little wider to the many things going on around me. I stopped focusing so much on the negatives and the no's.
I also now have the ability to look back and observe the tremendous progress that has been made since the start of the summer.
The truth is, there is so much going on here. There are programs running, guests speakers and presentations that I'm overseeing, and relationships being forged under the context of learning. There are camper reflections coming back week after week stating that they have learned exactly what the theme of their Eidah was; a theme I picked for them on a random night in January and scribbled on a piece of paper the night before a phone meeting with my supervisor. There are creative, dynamic, and out-of-the-box learning activities throughout multiple periods in the day.
It is only now that I can see my work and my goals coming to fruition in the eyes of these children and staff. Seeing that, and recognizing my need for a shift in perspective, has made me a happier person and director of education.
Everything I wanted to change midway through the summer I still wish to change. The vision I have for the future and the shifts I felt needed to be made - I still feel them. But I am choosing - actively choosing - to embrace those negatives along with the many positives.
In that regard, I feel that I am honoring the work of the very special Michael Gerber , whose blog about the blessings of living with a disability is nothing short of inspirational.
Perspective is anything we want it to be. It's how we look at the work we do, evaluate our own progress and impact on the world, and see the growth in ourselves and those around us. It's how we choose to view our successes and our defeats; how we react to criticism, and how we interpret that which happens at us, around us, and inside us. It is up to us.
So, looking back, I am so proud of the work my staff has done. I am so pleased with how our team has worked together. I am blown away by how our campers and staff have grown this summer. And I am moved by the genuine care and compassion our staff and faculty possess for the hundreds of members of this community.
Yes, I still have many changes I want to make. But for now, I recognize that Jewish learning takes many different forms. It's incremental, surprising, and so challenging. It is a sacred task, one that requires a shift in perspective each and every day.
L'hitraot from camp.
With love,
Jaclyn
